thinking about Daddy on Father's Day

When most filial children will be celebrating Father's Day with their fathers today, I will be thinking of my father and wondering how my family would celebrate it with him if he were still here with us.

It has been ten years since he passed away, a long time, but not too faint in my memory. The first Father's Day after his passing, the only thing I remembered was Mummy and I crying as we left church because we were reminded of him after the priest gave a special blessing to all the fathers. Since then, I have teared at every Father's Day blessing, because I wish I could celebrate with him or at least buy him a decent gift.

Daddy has always been a great influence in my life. I have inherited his spirit of adventure and curiosity, generosity, quirkiness, artistic streak, dreaminess, desire to look good and be 'cool' all the time, and appreciation for life's little pleasures. Not all the above are good for me, but thankfully I have inherited more practical, down-to-earth traits from Mummy, which serve to temper the wilder and wackier side of me. Even though Daddy is not with us now, there is still a lot of him in me. I have a natural tendency to think of the craziest things, not just when I have free time, but also during very stressful moments. I am always thinking of trying and doing new things, and how to surprise and delight people. This crazy zest for life is Daddy's legacy. It is the most precious gift he has given me.

I often wonder what I would be doing with him or saying to him if he were physically here. Would we hang out together as often as we did and talk as much about what is happening in the world? I think so, and more. I think I might shop and eat more with him than I am doing now, and he might pay for some of it. Now that I have fractured my toe, I wouldn't be surprised if he carries me up and down the stairs instead of letting me use my crutches. If I am not using my crutches, he would hold my hand as we walk. He would buy me anything I want to eat, just like what Mummy is doing now. He would help me look for the sandals I need to wear to two of my good friends' weddings in two to three weeks time. He would take me to the shops and pay for my sandals. And he would treat me to something yummy or decadent after the shopping. If I am tired, he will carry me on his back while I hold onto my shopping till we get in the car and head for home. And he would do all of this in crowded Orchard Road, even if it is a bit embarrassing to be seen carrying a grown up girl and her shopping. That is who he is.

If I could celebrate Father's Day with him, I would cook him a meal at home and give him a nice shirt or cuff links. And I would joke with him that he has to pamper me more because I am treating him so special. He would laugh and take me out for a nice meal soon after.

Daddy, even if it is not possible to celebrate this special day with you, I know you are with me in spirit not just today, but every moment of my life. I will continue to make you proud and happy by leading each day as you want me to live. Gently, kindly, generously, thoughtfully, joyfully, passionately, lovingly, wisely. Happy Father's Day to the coolest dad in the world! I love you.

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